"I ruined your picture- but I saved your life. "

I can't sleep.

For the past three or so nights, I've woken up around 6 or so and fallen in and out of sleep till about 6:45. I don't know why, but I've been thinking about my birthday and I am just so excited. I actually don't think I've ever been so excited for a birthday before. I mean, I'm always really excited, but I guess since it's the big one six I am triple excited!

But, in regards to my last post, I've been praying that I would not dwell on the fact that this summer hasn't been as awesome as last and stop worrying about school right this second. I think it has helped, but I just need to stay disciplined and enjoy the rest of the summer.

Yesterday at Scholars we took the PSAT and today we graded it. I got a 176, which is still kinda low but 10 points higher than when I took it in October. I didn't improve as much as a lot of people, which kinda stinks. But, we still have 3 more practice tests and a couple months in class before I take it for real. I'm going to try real hard to get National Merit Scholar (217). I just need to improve my Reading skills (vocab/reading comprehension) and grammar. I mean, I need to improve all around, but those are my weaknesses.

Summer Days.

Honestly, this summer has kinda been a bummer. (rhyme not intentional- well, it wasn't when I thought it up, then I intentionally kept it that way.) I mean, it's definitely better than school and I enjoy being home and relaxing, but I haven't done anything. And I'm not just talking about big vacations, but even weekly church events. All I've done is work and sit at home.

Hopefully these next few weeks will be good.

1 Week Till I am 16!

Sorry for the lack of bloggage, and I won't really blog much right now, but I will asap. I've been meaning to blog... I guess I'm just to lazy.

Kidz camp is one of my favorite times of year, because half the house is gone. I mean, yes I did miss you Molly, Mom, and Blake, but it was nice being in the quiet. And me, Dad, and Andrew had some good times together. And... I GOT A NEW GUITAR! It's a beaut. Seriously, she's one of the prettiest things I've ever seen. (Thanks pops and mom!) I haven't named her yet, but I want it to be something pretty like Emma, or Emmy or something pretty like that. I'll post whenever I decide. And I'll get some pictures up (I want to get Molly to take some pictures with me and it.)

Scholars is going on right now, it's good. I don't despise it, and it's nice to see people. It just makes me want to cry thinking about school coming up. I mean, it's so close. And I don't know if I can handle the pressure and stress. And, I don't know if I'll be able to quit my job. I mean, I don't know if I have it in me to do it. So, I don't know what I'll do. But, right now I'm trying not to think about it.

Other than that, life is pretty good.

A realization.

I think I know why I like hugging so much and, I guess, touchy-feelyness. I think it's because I lack the words to say. You know, it is so much harder for me to say what I feel about someone, or just say anything at all, than to just hug them and let them know that way.

I don't know, it's just a theory.

Just another thought.

I wanted to talk a little about my team at camp. The Fainting Goats! aka, champions of rec!! I was so happy we won because I've always wanted to win rec and we did!! The Fainting Goats has been the best team along with Bear Grylls, which will always hold a place in my heart. But, seriously, my team was awesome not only on the field, but off. It consisted of 13 people (2 leaders, 11 highschoolers): Beth Wiebe, James Cooper, (the leaders) Jose Ponce, Alberto (I don't know his last name ): ) Erin Nally, John Michael Hodgins, Jayden Kerr, Samuel Walker, Denise, Shelby Wellbrock, Elise Rojo, Jessica Fortner, and me, obviously. There was never really a quiet moment or awkward moment and after we kinda finished talking about the sermon we would just talk about nonsense and laugh together. It was a real blessing because sometimes teams don't really connect and it just kinda bums you out. I had the best leaders and everyone was so nice and spirited and awesome! I am so thankful for them all!

And everyone was real hardcore. We worked really well as a team and only lost 2 games! (We lost 3 the first night for the tejas games, but that didn't really count.) And everyone was spirited, which is also a blessing because sometimes (especially in jh) people think they are above cheering- which is totally false. We had the most awesome cheers ever, too. (Ha, in my opinion, but everyone else loved our cheers too.)

The Fainting Goats made camp 100X more enjoyable and I miss them already! (:


Camp was awesome. Like, seriously. And that's all I will say about it cause I already discussed with my family the details and they make up 99% of my readers so if you want to hear about it, just ask me and I'll tell you personally. That's all I really felt like saying right now.

Camp is Tomorrow!

Which I'm so excited about. Except, I don't know why, but there is this feeling of either doubt/nervousness/fear or some sort of negative emotion in my stomach. I can't put a finger on what it is, or why it is there, but it's there. I think it has something to do with the fact that I hate feeling anxious. I hate that constant state of excitement before something. I mean, I love being like "I can't wait for _____" and I love to have things to look forward to, but I hate the feeling before where that is all you can think about. Kinda like the night before the first day of school, where you can't sleep cause all you can think about is school. I hate that. And whenever every person is like, "are you excited for ___?". Ya know? I don't know. I just wanna get it over with... or rather, be there right now. I guess my problem is I have no patience. Well, anyways, today is going to be a day of packing and getting ready.

Oh! Yesterday I got my checking account!! I'm going to have a debit card and everything! I deposited my first pay check too! ($128.71) It feels nice to have all that money. I spent alot of it yesterday, though. Well not a lot, cause I have 40 dollars in cash plus that. So, I probably still have at least 100 bucks.